This entire week I have been trying to feel the cold nostalgic christmas breeze. Ridiculous gift giving, endless bottoms up, 5am caroling at Mc Donald’s Drive thru for some extra pancake syrup, wishing Mark Marasigan(never met him and knew it was him until then) a merry xmas on pure jager shots, playing wingman-cupid on friends for a less lonesome year end, enlightening an Egyptian muslim about how to celebrate Christmas, fangirling Danny Seigal, just coz its Christmas, visiting inaanaks to wish them and enjoying VCF. Its already the 23rd of December, not a fleeting excitement for a moist bibingka, or waking up for the traditional 4am mass, even the dancing lights of ayala triangle can be so dragging.. oh dear whatever happened to my anticipation, neither am i saddened about it, i wonder where i will end up tomorrow eve.. :| i can make a crazy sister, or a loving daughter, to anyone missing their’s. <3
have been devastated and frustrated about a formatted phone that contained sentiments, memories of places i go, food i like, hilarious, clean, dirty, meaningful, meaningless thoughts and photographs,videos and past messages that i often re-read just for my pleasure humor, my connection to people i love, i use, i need in this world, It definitely was not an anatomy of “my world” but it certainly did meant a lot to me.
you see i have this phobia of forgetting, not being able to recall or remember freaks me out, makes me feel blind, alone. that explains why i always like to keep even the crappiest bullshit, ridiculous memes, write down random notes when it enters my mind, reflections that only i found amusing, and losing it was such a heart breaker.
then afterwards i thought about the recent typhoon yolanda that his my country and how many people were affected and i said damn stupid me, other people have lost homes they worked hard for, lives of their loved ones that can never be recovered, Other people have even bigger problems, starving for food, clothing starving for pity, their lives entirely reformatted, nothing left from them not even a living.. and yet here i am beating myself up with this childish issues, how selfish and superficial of me. i still feel awful, but then on second thought its probably God’s way of answering my prayer, God’s way of letting me let go of the past, entirely to forget the heart aches and start over again, a way to filter who, what should stay in my life. so let me share this verse I noted from today’s Victory Church Service. Mathew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
just because it says there, it doesn’t literally mean that its the IT that you asked for, nor what you are seeking for that you will find and neither the door that you’ve been trying to break open. What i believe is that God answers and gives, and it may not be what we asked but it is always the good answers, and we may not understand it now, most of us probably even are upset with God’s for giving the wrong answer when in fact it have always been better and for the better.
Forgive me Lord for my depth-less whining that only led to nothing but hurting my own self. i want to thank you for making me realize that this is not a problem or a punishment but rather an answered prayer. now i really feel foolish and shortsighted for not knowing right away. it makes me smile a little bit, you really do know me. you know that if this didnt happen i would never have let go of that painful past. i would like to see it that way.. thank you. i love you.
this is my blog after the longest time. my writing has gotten bad.and my grammar is deteriorating, these are merely random thoughts so whether you enjoy reading it our not, thank you.